Watch Series 2 on Thursdays at 20:30 from 2 August. #essexsa
Please do not adjust your screens - the TOWIE cast are really that orange!
Cheeky chappie Kirk Norcross is the governor of Sugar Hut. The tattooed taverner loves flirting, his family and his flame-haired femme fatale – none other than Miss Amy Childs.
Brentwood bombshell Amy is a beautician, model – and the woman who introduced the vajazzle to the Great British public. Miss Childs loves make up, dressing up and her boyfriend Kirk – but most of all, she loves… Peter Andre.
Former performing arts student Harry was born to dance, and cuts a nifty move on the floor. But it might be argued that Amy’s cousin is equally talented when it comes to inventing catchphrases – because Mr Derbidge is the originator of the immortal, Essex-defining line, “Shuuuut uuuuup!”
Glamour girl Sam is pals with Amy but she doesn’t embrace enhancement like her beautician mate - as Miss Faiers notes, the only thing that’s fake about her are her eyelashes, and she’s got the topless modelling shots to prove it!
Club promoter Mark Wright is, in his own words, the King of Essex. A fan of referring to himself in the third person, Mark’s affection for Lauren may be inconstant, but his love of personal grooming, his best mate Arg and his Nanny Pat’s sausage plaits are unwavering.
Essex’s answer to Frank Sinatra, James ‘Arg’ Argent is as well known for his dulcet tones as his fluctuating girth. His fondness for curry is only outweighed only by his fondness towards his BFF, ladies’ man about town, Mark Wright…
Jessica isn’t just beautiful, she’s brainy too – she’s got a degree in business and marketing! But Mark’s big sister isn’t dreaming of working her way up the corporate ladder - she’s got her sights set on pop stardom as one of up-and-coming girl band, Lola, instead…
Lauren has spent the last nine years alternating between dating and berating her Brentford-based beau, Mark. She does have something a little more permanent than their relationship in her life, though – a tattoo of Mr Wright’s moniker in a rather private (pants-based) place. Ouch!
The self-styled ‘twin’ of Candy, Michael also likes to dispense advice to his Essex peers. Although he’s normally found behind the bar rather than propping it up, he’s still a party boy, and he always has a ready quip about the celebrity clientele that he serves with a smile in Sugar Hut.
Former girl group member, gossip queen and party girl Candy Jacobs is the Sugar Hut barmaid who doubles as a confidant of proprietor Kirk Norcross. But when she’s not advising her boss, she’s usually found giggling with her partner-in-crime, fellow cocktail-shaker Michael…
Lauren, Lyndsay, Jessica and Amber aren’t just a group of Essex girls next door – they’re planning to swap the suburbs for the studio and pop superstardom as the four members of girl band Lola…
Could you be easily Essex or does it have you vajazzled? Can you wow with your TOWIE knowledge ...